Organizational Results: Manage Feelings

Mar 28, 2010

Kendall L. Stewart, M.D.

Feelings rule. Most of us recognize that they shouldn’t, but they do. If you take the view that people shouldn’t have feelings and proceed to ignore them, you will limit your persuasive effectiveness. If you allow yourself to be held hostage by feelings, you will be paralyzed. The key is to recognize, accept and express everyone’s feelings and then recruit those feelings to your cause.

1. Recognize your own feelings. This is not as easy as it sounds. Most of us react instinctively to the events in our lives without recognizing the pivotal role our feelings played in those reactions. Most of us who react impulsively are embarrassed to admit that we don’t keep our feelings on a shorter leash.

2. Recognize others’ feelings. This is a lot easier. Most of us are pretty good at divining how others feel; we just don’t think they should feel that way—if they turn out to feel differently than we do.

3. Accept feelings. We all have them. They change. They enrich our lives and torment us. We can do the right things in spite of them.

4. Express them. It’s not enough to just recognize and accept them. We have to put them on the table. Then we can deal with them. Unrecognized and unexpressed feelings will derail the best-laid plans every time.

How do you deal with feelings at work?

6 Comments

5 Comments

Leeann Sammons • Mar 28, 2010 @7:01 pm

Awareness is key when managing my own feelings. I have been fortunate to have colleages give me honest feedback when my feelings have overtaken me in a good or bad way. I can usually recognize the warning signs and have developed techniques to myself in check.
Vicki Noel • Mar 28, 2010 @9:13 pm

I am a deeply emotional person…it is core to who I am yet comes with a whole host of problems as well as joys:-) When I get emotionally arroused I know that I am out of self-esteem. Getting emotional is my cue to stop and try to determine the triggering events and thoughts. Unfortunately, there’s no PAUSE button in life and often it is after the fact before I can think clearly. I generally try to “come clean” with my co-workers and family and as quickly as possible and talk through the situation so I can learn and move on…and try not to repeat.
Kendall L. Stewart • Mar 28, 2010 @10:28 pm

Leeann and Vicki, most leaders, in my experience, have a hard time recognizing their own emotional arousal.
Somehow, we naturally conclude that our feelings are justified-and that we are justified in acting on them.
You both rightly point out that strong feelings are often misleading and should always be viewed with suspicion.
Like any other leadership skill, improved awareness and control takes time and practice.
stonej • Mar 29, 2010 @2:54 pm

One of the major challenges in being a manager is recognizing the feelings the staff bring to work with them. To somehow acknowledge the feelings, AND remind them this is a work place and they are here for that purpose. Care at the bedside can be an emotional drain, depending on the day. It is what we chose to do, but there are days I see the drain with the staff. I need to get better at recognizing those days with a immediate appreciative comment to them for their care.
Vicki Noel • Apr 9, 2010 @8:40 pm

Let’s see if I have a gravatar next to this post…..Vicki