Kendall L. Stewart, M.D.

This is hard to do. It’s even harder to do well. You have the nice leaders who want everyone to be happy and love them. They just can’t bring themselves to confront their colleagues because that would hurt their feelings. They hint and beat around the bush. They avoid unpleasantness by talking about some other problem.

Then there are the jerks. They yell at underlings and berate people publicly for not doing what they want them to do the way they want them to do it. They confront not to produce results but to distract others from their own shortcomings or to throw their weight around.

Effective confronters avoid these two paralyzing extremes. Here’s how you can do it:

1. First, calm yourself. If you confront others when you are angry or frustrated, your emotion will drown out your message. You want to create an energizing discomfort that motivates, not discourages.

2. Ask reasonable but pointed clarifying questions. Ask permission to speak frankly and emphasize that you do not wish to be hurtful. Get right to the point. After you’ve asked the right question, stop and wait for the answer. Resist your natural inclination to fill uncomfortable silences with rambling explanations about why you hate to have to ask what needs to be asked.

3. Ask whether you’ve been clear. Ask whether you are making sense. Ask whether the questions you are asking are reasonable. Then wait for the confirmation that you have indeed been clear.

4. Ask whether you’ve provided the support they need. The reality is that people often need muscle to get things done in bureaucracies. If you can’t or won’t block for your runners, you cannot expect them to advance the ball.

5. Extract a new commitment. Refuse to leave the discomfort zone until you have a renewed commitment to achieve the results that you have both agreed make sense.

How do you effectively confront poor performance in your organization?